dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
