i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
