that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
