I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
