So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
