I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
