Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
