oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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