Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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