Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
