2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
