ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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