i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
