dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
