His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
