dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My vagina just recognized that song.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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