Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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