party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
