Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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