Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
