the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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