I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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