If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
