Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
