the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
