I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
