great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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