Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
