Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
