she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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