Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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