do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
