i jhust puked up my retainher.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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