im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
