MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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