The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
