My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
