And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
