Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
