I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
