Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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