we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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