did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
