i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
