I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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