Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
