so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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