So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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