so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
