It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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