i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
