I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
