we're making bets on your personal life
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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