I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
