well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
