So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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