i may or may not be watching the land before time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my moral compass just broke
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