I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
