dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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