How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
