if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
