planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
