Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
