Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize