That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
