I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
