dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
