Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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