last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
