nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
