So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
