Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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