oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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